Pain of the Heart
by ShikonnoTamahater
Summary: A series of oneshots, most of them poems, about the sad and lonely life Gaara's forced to live in, and with. No pairings :. Rated just because I feel like it.- HIATUS UNTIL OCTOBER 2012
1. My Evil Mind

First things first. I know that this is probably overrated, but I didn't feel like rating it anything lower than Teen. So don't flame me for it.

This is a load of fluff about a possibility of Gaara killing someone he didn't mean to. It's kind of sad. He doesn't even want to be in his own mind…

P.S. **Bold **_and italicized is the sane Gaara. **Bold **and _underlined _is the demon Gaara. Plain italicized lettering is the aftermath. Regular print is both of them together. _

"My" Evil Mind

****

Why am I alone?

The only one who loves me

Is Mother.

She left this world.

She tells me she didn't mean to.

I believe her.

I have to.

All I want is a purpose…

****

If I had a friend…

Maybe I would be different…

I can't think about that…

Death.

I need death.

NO!!!

I've awakened!

The battle is over,

With the flick of my blade.

All is over

All are dead.

****

Except a girl.

A girl my age.

Crying over a body.

A woman's body.

A mother's body.

What have I done?


	2. Sonnet

I rise to kill again.

To love, to show my love.

It's all for her gain…

_Mother…_ When push came to shove

You fled, but instead

Of going away forever

You found refuge in the dead

Place I had never

Thought of as my own.

You protect me, and nurture me,

And through this sand have shown

Others, your son included, all that I can be

And with that in mind, that I am your tool

I create for you a magnificient blood pool.

_It's been a while since I updated this… Like, I've never updated it. I don't own Naruto, by the way. Or any of its characters. That'll go for the entire "story", kay? Please review! Flames welcome, as they make me smile at bad spellers. :D_

{ShikonnoTamahater}


	3. Acrostic

Something

Hidden,

Invoking

Kaddish, **

Actively

Killing

Ubiquitously

* * *

Glaringly

Alone

And

Rejected,

Absolute

* * *

Maladjusted

Orphans

Treat

Her as

Exalted Royalty

There are reasons I do this for you, mother. Please, drink in the blood I've gathered for you.

_A/N Hmmm. I like it. Don't really care if others don't. However, please, now that you've read, review! I like criticism and flames. They make me all tingly inside! I have another acrostic poem, a better one I swear! plus another one in the works, but you'll have to… bear? bare? Gah, too early for this… with me. I may have misplaced it. (I think it's bear)_

_*Kaddish (from the dictionary)- A prayer recited in daily synagogue and __**by mourners after the death of a close relative.**_ Sank you! {ShikonnoTamahater}

_P.S. Yes, it's "Shikaku," "Gaara," and "Mother"._


	4. Free Verse

If I rip out my eyes,  
will I still see the hate?  
If I cut off my ears,  
will I still hear the screams?  
If I separate from my skin,  
will I still feel this pain?

No matter what I do,  
No matter what I say,  
All I have is rejection  
All I have is loneliness.

Books say love is important.  
Books say love and hate are not opposites.  
If love's important, why don't I have any?  
If they're not opposites, and they didn't hate me…  
What would they feel towards me?

Would they even care at all?

What would take hate's place?

Take me away  
to some other time  
Take me away  
to some other place

I don't want this heart,  
so please, take it too.  
Take my sadness, my pain,  
my hurt, this sand from me.

All it's ever brought me is evil.  
It's never given me anything.  
Become my sand,  
And take it all away.

Suffocate me, like I've  
Killed so many others.  
Bury me behind a wall  
Of stony indifference.

Everything will change,  
but nothing will change.  
Make me _me_,  
but not me.

You can do this.  
Don't tell me you can't!  
Don't look at me like that!  
You want to die too?

* * *

_Take a breath.  
__Look around.  
_You could've changed me.  
But you threw me away.

I ripped out my eyes,  
cut off my ears,  
shed my skin,  
painted my head red.

But nothing changed.  
Yet everything did.

_A/N A quick poem written on a plane. Written on the basis of a slightly younger Gaara starting to kill earlier than he did, and begging someone to help him. This person rejects him, and starts to run away, forcing Gaara into a rage that makes him become the canon character of the Chuunin exams._


	5. The Fragile Glimmer

The strongest defense I've ever known;  
the weakest element once created  
from heat and control, plus pressure cemented.  
My great shield turned fragile.

Sand turned glass, while crude  
May yet become sight divine  
With careful application of time,  
patience, and steady hand.

Without this heat, this passion  
will never be unveiled.  
And the art itself would have failed,  
if that were its one and true purpose.

Without this heat, this passion,  
nothing would have come of the sand  
but terrible destruction, cruel hate and  
above all, death. For heated sand is diff'rent yet.

Passionless, cold heat; like that which found my sand,  
enrages and despoils, distorts and contorts.  
Sometimes it is bidden, others its force  
comes to me unbeknownst. And I wonder.

Where does my strength come from?  
Why are all threats staved off, including  
the ones enacted by my own mind brooding?  
And why is fragility beautiful?

If impassioned heat, rather than rage,  
were to assault my sand, would  
the glass be weak as alone it stood; naked, nude?  
Or, for having known both heats, be stronger?

_A/N A bit shorter than some of the other poems I'm proud of, but I think this may be the best of them all. If you've read, then please review._


	6. A Poem in Couplets

Thank you for the memories I cannot share  
Thank you for the wounds I cannot bear  
Thank you for showing me weakness  
And also, the side of you that's heartless.

Forget you and your stupid smile  
The one that I thought was real while,  
Really, inside you were laughing  
At me and my mannerisms so baffling.

Am I something to be laughed at?  
Am I so unworthy of your true feelings that,  
When all is said and done,  
All I am is a game you've won?

Please tell me my worth to you is higher  
I cannot stand the reality that you're a liar  
And that I am more your plaything  
Than I am a human being.

I'm begging. I want to be worth more.  
I don't—I am not your dirty secret—your  
Possession that you can misuse.  
For years I have stood this hidden abuse.

No more. So now you will tell me:  
Is my questioning your death knell?

_A/N Another poem. If you've read, reviews are appreciated! I reply to every one, no matter how long it takes me.__{ShikonnoTamahater}_


	7. A Plea To My Tormenters

When things go not the way they should  
Who is blamed?  
When circumstances change as they are wont  
Who is responsible?  
When people turn up missing  
Who is at fault?

Why is it always me?  
Even when it isn't,  
It's always a mistake  
That I alone have made

When the young girl came home  
Oh how young, and how beautiful,  
When home she came with blood  
Blood on her body:

Who was blamed?

When the crops we need  
Were destroyed, with traces of sand  
The only clue as to the cause  
The cause of their death:

Who was responsible?

When the man, the drunkard,  
So tipsy he could barely stand,  
Did not return home after carousing  
The night away so far, so far:

Who was at fault?

The young girl lost her virginity.  
The desert reclaimed her land.  
These sins I am not guilty of.  
So why do you look at me?!

I kept quiet about the girl  
She hadn't been as frightened as the others  
She even gave me a wonderful gift once  
A smile; and so she bought my silence

Not a soul would believe about the crops  
Any words of protest, or even,  
Yes, even explanation, these would  
All have fallen on deaf ears.

But now we come to the man.  
That liquor-soaked brute of a man.  
He looked at me with fear  
That was his only wrongdoing

I willingly admit this, but still!  
I am not to blame  
I am not responsible  
And I am certainly not at fault.

Those who look at me with unkind eyes  
They are the ones who deserve this  
This punishment and torment  
For simply _being._

There. I've said my part  
I've told my secrets  
I've confessed my sins  
All this, but none are happy

What can I do to please you?!

_A/N *breathes a sigh of relief* If this turned out half as well as it fit in my mind, I'll be happy. If you've read, please review!  
__{ShikonnoTamahater}_


	8. You Keep Coming

I slit your throat with a blade.  
I didn't have to, but it was a nice touch.  
That beautiful crimson color splashed out.  
It tasted nice.

Feelings have nothing to do with this.  
I want to, need to, do this.  
If craving is an emotion, then I feel.  
But I really don't.

Oh, is there another still awake?  
It's time for it to sleep.  
I shouldn't waste the effort…  
But I think I'll crush it.

Your screams soothe me.  
They are the only lullaby I need.  
If I could be in control,  
Then I too would fall asleep.

Perhaps I do feel.  
Is that pain in my heart envy?  
I've heard of it.  
But do I feel it?

No, I don't.  
You are weak.  
You were easily crushed.  
There is nothing good about you.

I put my finger to your blood.  
Too bad my sand can't always drink it all.  
Why do you taste bad?  
Before, you tasted _so_ good.

A shadow comes from behind.  
You think you can sneak up on me?  
If I knew how, I would chuckle.  
This is why you die.

"You come to me again," I say.  
"How many times do you have to die?  
When will you learn?  
I will kill you every time."

How many times have I asked this question?  
These words have left my mouth too often.  
I know them by rote.  
Each time I am surprised by your reply.

Sometimes you say something.  
Other times you stay silent.  
Sometimes you attack.  
Other times I don't give you the chance.

Each time you answer me,  
Your voice is different.  
But I know it is you.  
Who else would _try_ to die?

_A/N I am happy. It's been a while since I wrote a narrative quite like this! Since you've read, please review!_


End file.
